Don't treat men

[geeg]

Well, as the original poster that seems to have triggered Nailzoo's rant I guess this is supposed to make me feel silly or embarrased but really it makes me feel sad to see such childish behaviour.

It is clear in my post I am only referring to ONE man - not all men. I am a 40 year old married women with 2 boys and am certainly not a manhater or scared of men or lacking in humour! How ridiculous! It was simply a request for other views on an incident which was not expected or acceptable for the situation it occured in.

As I work from home I appreciate this site for the majority of many amazing members who are always ready to give advice and help to other therapists. It is invaluable to be able to have open free discussions on all manner of subjects without being shot down and mocked by people who happen to disagree with you.

I am over this incident now and have moved on, older and wiser - hope you can do the same sometime soon Nailzoo.

Oh come on Applepie ... let him have his say. He wasn't mocking you FGS. Why be so personal about it? Carl is a man and justifiably gets a bit piqued at times over this subject (it has come up before you know)NOT just your experience, as not nice as it was for you. He is making a valid point which about half the posters have seen clearly and the other half have not 'got it' at all.

 

[Jaffacake]

I get what you are saying Carl and I do treat many men - only do spray tanning and only do it mobile! Most of my male clients are boyfriends/ husbands/ brothers of my female clients and they are all lovely and have never given me a problem.

BUT
as I do mobile tanning I need to be careful about going to a tan a man who i've never met before, alone, normally at night... I would generally take my husband with me who would wait in the car.

The other day I had a tan booked by text message, just gave me the address, no name. I arrived and realised it was a man when he opened the door. I never flinched and continued as I would with any other client but I did text my husband who was at work at the time as it was a lunchtime appointment and told him the address I was at just incase!

I think in a situation like this I would be stupid not to think of doing that dont you? I was out tanning, no-one had a clue where I was, I had my diary and mobile phone with me! The first anyone would have missed me was when my husband arrived home at 7pm, some 5 hours later and even then he wouldn't know where i'd been working

As it turned out everything went fine and he was a nice guy - but you never know!! maybe different if you are in a salon with other people but not out alone IMO

 

[geeg]

I get what you are saying Carl and I do treat many men - only do spray tanning and only do it mobile! Most of my male clients are boyfriends/ husbands/ brothers of my female clients and they are all lovely and have never given me a problem.

BUT
as I do mobile tanning I need to be careful about going to a tan a man who i've never met before, alone, normally at night... I would generally take my husband with me who would wait in the car.

The other day I had a tan booked by text message, just gave me the address, no name. I arrived and realised it was a man when he opened the door. I never flinched and continued as I would with any other client but I did text my husband who was at work at the time as it was a lunchtime appointment and told him the address I was at just incase!

I think in a situation like this I would be stupid not to think of doing that dont you? I was out tanning, no-one had a clue where I was, I had my diary and mobile phone with me! The first anyone would have missed me was when my husband arrived home at 7pm, some 5 hours later and even then he wouldn't know where i'd been working

As it turned out everything went fine and he was a nice guy - but you never know!! maybe different if you are in a salon with other people but not out alone IMO

I think the point is that this is the type of precaution you should take no matter whose house you are going to and no matter what time of the day or night! Any woman could book an appointment at any time and have a man in the house and they could BOTH over power you or maybe she could on her own. I think mobile therapists take terrible risks.

 

[Jaffacake]

Yes you are right, I should take precautions whoever makes the booking, I will in future :hug: I dont mean to generalise but its not something that would immediately spring to mind if I was going to tan a lady but it did when he opened the door in his dressing gown and no-one else was home :o:Scared::o

 

[nailzoo]

Well, as the original poster that seems to have triggered Nailzoo's rant I guess this is supposed to make me feel silly or embarrased

Don't flatter yourself, it's not about you, it's about all the posts about men and their apparent compulsive needs to be perverts and not have a professional service without becoming aroused.

What you fail to realise (and yes I'm a minority in here), but I am a male in a female dominated world.

When you make a post (or a point) ..... and I sympathise with your situation, ......... what you guys fail to realise is you (not you personally) tend to lump all men in together (which includes me) and I get jack of it.

Yes , I hear you say "don't take it personally", but that's easy for (girls) to say, you are not on the receiving end of a generalisation.

As noted in this post, many many girls/women have had no problems at all, but when you guys (actually girls) get on your high horses, you really sink the boot into men, back each other up on the "all men are perverts issue", sound like misandrists, yet when all goes well and according to your rules, you are only too happy to take their money.

The issues with men have been going on since the year dot, so either get used to it, prepare yourselves, or don't do them at all.

Contrary to popular belief, men are not idiots and there are enough advertisements in the local papers advertising and inferring "extras".

Field inquiries sensibly, make informed decisions and take precautions, all females deciding to offer a service to men should do this, it does get tiresome hearing about these issues, when in fact they have been discussed many times over.

If I was to foolishly lump women all together, as many of you seem to lump all men together, you would soon jump on my back (as you often do).

And Peter Pan, you, or anyone else calling me "flowerpot" does not have any soothing properties, it verges on demeaning (although you may think/excuse it is a term of endearment), it's not, and I would prefer you not refer to me as such in the future.

 

[Bagpuss]

I can see what nailzoo means....(i think)

Us women (some) don't like comments made my (some) men about being women drivers....kitchen sink slaves....your just a woman....just think shoes luv....women nag....It gets my back up too....I ain't into shoes...i don't nag...my driving is rubbish though...:lol:

But when its done the other way round we do tend to think its funny.....

Its like when a woman slaps a man.....but ohh so different when a man slaps a woman !!

Not all women are anything and not all men are either.

 

[number1kitty]

The be all and end all of the actual issue is how YOU advertise yourself and how YOU are with the client. The only person to blame if something happens is YOU!

Advertise professionaly, cheap flyers through doors advertising a 'mobile' service and not properly worded, or adverts in the back of papers send off the wrong message to people who are seeking out thrills.

When we as a female or male therapist answer the phone its up to us to use intuition and judge the tone of the client BEFORE we book them, if in doubt - don't book them!

Don't leave yourself vulnerable, if your mobile always tell people where and when your going to be places, only visit homes of men you know or take someone with you, or as jaffacake says tell someone the minute the appointment starts ans the expected time you will finish, if they dont hear from you panic!

If the men come to you check there address, ask to see ID, have someone with you etc.

Do a professional consultation EVERY time explain every time the treatment structure, i.e, Strip down to boxers, must leave them on as I can massage the glutteal muscles over them (if you work this area) explain the areas YOU WILL massage for EG, I start with the front legs up to thigh muscles, then the arms, shoulder/neck, we get you to turn over, then we do back of legs, thigh gluteals and finish with the back.

Do this with every client male or female as it even helps our female clients relax if they know the exact order of your treatment.

Explain on the consultation form, that xxxx salon is a professional salon and treats its clients with respect ans expect the same level of respect from their clients, at any time whilst on the premises, including during a treatment if our staff feel that your behaviour is inappropriate or a hazard to there or your safety, you will be asked to leave.

You can pop this on a form just for men of you feel it alienates your female clients, but too be honest I have had women come in drunk for waxing and asked them to leave, this disclaimer legally allows you to do this!

And if he/she intimidates you before the treatment (which if you followed your intuition wouldnt be at this stage) ask them to leave. If they show signs of anything during the treatment, polietly remind them that if they do or say that again you will have to ask them to leave.

And of they start gyrating on your bed and there hands moving under the covers, Walk out and ask them to leave!

We all have to take precautions - thats why we stop look listen when we cross roads rather than speed across no matter whether its rush hour or midnight!

Its just annoying hearing the number of therapists leading themselves into potentially dangerous situations!

Kate

 

[THERAPY]

The be all and end all of the actual issue is how YOU advertise yourself and how YOU are with the client. The only person to blame if something happens is YOU!

Advertise professionaly, cheap flyers through doors advertising a 'mobile' service and not properly worded, or adverts in the back of papers send off the wrong message to people who are seeking out thrills.

When we as a female or male therapist answer the phone its up to us to use intuition and judge the tone of the client BEFORE we book them, if in doubt - don't book them!

Don't leave yourself vulnerable, if your mobile always tell people where and when your going to be places, only visit homes of men you know or take someone with you, or as jaffacake says tell someone the minute the appointment starts ans the expected time you will finish, if they dont hear from you panic!

If the men come to you check there address, ask to see ID, have someone with you etc.

Do a professional consultation EVERY time explain every time the treatment structure, i.e, Strip down to boxers, must leave them on as I can massage the glutteal muscles over them (if you work this area) explain the areas YOU WILL massage for EG, I start with the front legs up to thigh muscles, then the arms, shoulder/neck, we get you to turn over, then we do back of legs, thigh gluteals and finish with the back.

Do this with every client male or female as it even helps our female clients relax if they know the exact order of your treatment.

Explain on the consultation form, that xxxx salon is a professional salon and treats its clients with respect ans expect the same level of respect from their clients, at any time whilst on the premises, including during a treatment if our staff feel that your behaviour is inappropriate or a hazard to there or your safety, you will be asked to leave.

You can pop this on a form just for men of you feel it alienates your female clients, but too be honest I have had women come in drunk for waxing and asked them to leave, this disclaimer legally allows you to do this!

And if he/she intimidates you before the treatment (which if you followed your intuition wouldnt be at this stage) ask them to leave. If they show signs of anything during the treatment, polietly remind them that if they do or say that again you will have to ask them to leave.

And of they start gyrating on your bed and there hands moving under the covers, Walk out and ask them to leave!

We all have to take precautions - thats why we stop look listen when we cross roads rather than speed across no matter whether its rush hour or midnight!

Its just annoying hearing the number of therapists leading themselves into potentially dangerous situations!

Kate

I have to say Kate I did all of this yesterday. I had a male massage in, seemed totally genuine, didn't get a bad vibe from him at all, did the treatment totally professional. After I finished I went to get him a glass of water, came back in the treatment room to be asked if I wanted to earn myself an extra £20.........WTF, at no point during the consultation or treatment did I behave like a hooker!!! AND what did he think he'd get for £20 anyway I wouldn't suck his toes for that! I told him we are not that kind of salon and I am not that kind of girl. Left one of the other members of staff to take his payment. He rang after 5 minutes of leaving to apologise. Yuk...... So I have to disagree about it being OUR fault if we get this kind of treatment from a client Donna x

 

[bombini]

I think its good that we have seen various points of view on this thread no matter how controversial !

At the end of day its usually only the 'horror' storys that we hear about men, (or women) for that matter, a thread about how mrs smith had her usual massage and rebooked for a fortnight wednesday isn't quite the same as Mr X groped my leg or Mrs Jones stripped naked for an eyebrow wax is it.

I can totally see Carls point of view as I can other therapists that have had some awful experiences.

When I worked in spas I did more male massage than I did female and I only had ony guy to date that was a complete fruitcake yet countless female clients that were absolutley vile & treated us like slaves.

So I guess what Im trying to say is that I can accept pretty much everyones opinions and its a shame that a few rude comments have been posted when there really was no need.

 

[Issy]

Well said! XX
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Kim Lawless]

After I finished I went to get him a glass of water, came back in the treatment room to be asked if I wanted to earn myself an extra £20

Only £20???? Mind you, what with the credit crunch an' all. :wink2:

 

[hippy-chick]

Contrary to popular belief, men are not idiots and there are enough advertisements in the local papers advertising and inferring "extras".

Field inquiries sensibly, make informed decisions and take precautions, all females deciding to offer a service to men should do this, it does get tiresome hearing about these issues, when in fact they have been discussed many times over.

Well I totally disagree with this comment as imho why do men ring someone that is advertising holistic massage or swedish massage and go through the rigmarole of asking "And what TYPE of massage do you do?" waiting to hear about all the EXTRAS that you offer.
It is pretty obvious again in my opinion, within 30 seconds of a phone conversation that the person they have rung is NOT a prostititue so why do they continue on and on and on and waste my valuable time.

I think it is valid for people on here to bemoan the fact that they have had someone ejaculate on the massage couch, or ask for extras, or ask if you would like to earn an extra £20. That is insulting, it puts our adrenal gland on overload as we have to prepare to 'fight or flight' and why THE HELL SHOULD WE PUT UP WITH IT.

 

[hippy-chick]

And of they start gyrating on your bed and there hands moving under the covers, Walk out and ask them to leave!

We all have to take precautions - thats why we stop look listen when we cross roads rather than speed across no matter whether its rush hour or midnight!

Its just annoying hearing the number of therapists leading themselves into potentially dangerous situations!

Kate

so, if you were in someone else's house, imagine the situation of that happening, and leaving the room, and then having to go back in and pack up and leave.
Yuck!!!!

 

[1999judy]

Well all I can say is THANK GOD I don't have this dilemma!!!
And I must admit some of the posts on this thread need to be PMs rather than posted in the thread.
Never had a problem with men but sympathise with those that have but if you aren't happy then don't offer a service to guys.
We can't all tar people with the same brush but there's always the odd one out there.
BUT there is quite a market for male treatments and especially men that may feel awkward at the first appointment and then will stay with you as a client forever as they are comfortable with you.
In this time of the credit crunch I suppose what everyone needs to ask themselves is "can I afford to turn business away?"
If you can or are simply not comfortable then it's best to make sure you advertise that you treat females only.
Just to throw a spanner in the works........what about treating GAY WOMEN???
And would you even know you were doing it??
Probably not.....

 

[geeg]

Well I totally disagree with this comment as imho why do men ring someone that is advertising holistic massage or swedish massage and go through the rigmarole of asking "And what TYPE of massage do you do?" waiting to hear about all the EXTRAS that you offer.
It is pretty obvious again in my opinion, within 30 seconds of a phone conversation that the person they have rung is NOT a prostititue so why do they continue on and on and on and waste my valuable time.

I think it is valid for people on here to bemoan the fact that they have had someone ejaculate on the massage couch, or ask for extras, or ask if you would like to earn an extra £20. That is insulting, it puts our adrenal gland on overload as we have to prepare to 'fight or flight' and why THE HELL SHOULD WE PUT UP WITH IT.

In my opinion .....................

I THINK YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE RISK OF IT HAPPENING (on the rare occasions it does) BECAUSE YOU DO WHAT YOU DO.

In my opinion if you have chosen to offer intimate services (which are services, in my definition, where you are touching someones body) then like it or not, you will be in the firing line for these things to potentially happen.

If you can't contemplate the possibility of it happening to you then don't offer massage to males.

Nurses, for instance and doctors are in the firing line to be physically assaulted (it happens more frequently than we know) and they put up with the risk of it happening because they do what they do!! They choose, in the main, to stay in the profession regardless.

You can stay in your profession and put up with the risk of unpleasant things happening occasionally or ... not.

 

[naturalnails]

I think this is a good place to close this now.

Gigi has summed it up perfectly.