Help, is this too fussy......

[kizzycat]

Hi Elisa. Nice website. very clean looking.

I have copied this from your home page and would suggest the following changes

I am a fully qualified and insured beauty therapist working in Stockton On Tees in Cleveland, North East Of England. I work from my home and also offer a mobile service. For the mobile service there will be a small charge POA for appointments outside of an 8miles radius of TS17 5HA.
I work from *insert your times here*, but I am available for later appointments at your request. Please contact me by either text or phone on 07805190621 to book an appointment or you can email me at [email protected]. All enquireys are delt with promptly.
I offer a range of relaxing, luxury beauty treatments to both females and males. Please feel free to browse through the treatments I offer, I am always updating my training portfolio to offer my clients the best treatments available in the beauty industry.


I am a fully qualified and insured Beauty Therapist working in Stockton On Tees in Cleveland, North East Of England. I work from my home and also offer a mobile service. Mobile services are free within an 8 mile radius of TS17 5HA (a small charge may be applicable outside this area).
I work from *insert your times here*, but I am available for later appointments at your request. Please contact me by either text or phone on 07805190621 to book an appointment or you can email me at [email protected]. All enquiries are dealt with promptly. You can also become a fan of Spoilt Mobile Beauty on Facebook to be kept up to date with all the latest offers.
I offer a range of relaxing, luxury beauty treatments to both females and males. Please feel free to browse through the treatments I offer, I am always updating my training portfolio to offer my clients the best treatments available in the beauty industry.

On the links down the side you spelled spray tan as spraty tan


I hope this helps you a bit xx
​

 

[MissConfused]

i'm really glad you posted your input as that is just an idea of what i'd write, haha i did message about my spelling mistakes i just don't think she has had time to correct them yet haha same with my idea to put a picture up. hopefully other users of the forum could give some other advice of what to include on first page, like i said what's there now is just a quick outline of something i'd write for the home page/about me page so not perfect at all. i just offered to help out if i could anyway. we all know what a complete and utter hassle it is trying to sort out sites.
x

 

[kizzycat]

from the Spray tan page:

Spraytan with confidence
NO Alcohol
NO Parabens
100% Natural , this tan will NOT turn you orange
i use 10% 12% 14% and for the Dancers. Body Builders or just Daring 16%
Adult Tans are £15.00
kids 10 to 16 are £12.00
Tots 6 to 10 are £10.00 6 or more then its £9 each..
Tan partys
4 for £45 5 fro £50 6 for £60 This is the price for Adults and Kids....

I would suggest the following:

The spray tan system I use is Nouvatan. I use this solution with the utmost confidence as it contains absolutely NO Alcohol and NO Parabens. This solution is 100% Natural and will NOT turn you orange.
I use 3 different shades - light (10%), medium (12%) and dark (14%). I also have a really dark solution (16%) which is ideal for dancers, body builders or just the "daring".

Prices
Adult - £15.00
Children aged 10-16 - £12.00
Children aged 6-10 - £10.00
For groups of 6 or more - £9 each

Tan Partys
4 people for £45
5 people for £50
6 people for £60
This price is for adults and children​

 

[kizzycat]

On the side menu you have 2 tabs that say pamper party. you need to change one to pamper part 18+ and 40+
YOu have put Club Pamper Parrty. Not sure if this is a mistake or whether you intended it to be a "parrty" lol

Your tab for Princess Party says new tab.

 

[sukic]

Hiya

OK, I'm sticking my oar in too . You defo need to look how your site is written to give the right impression. As everyone's already said the spelling and grammar needs work. Also, it made me laugh that you told your potential clients to get their feet 'medically treated' if they have an infection of any kind. heheheheh

Also, I think the layout needs to be looked at, small things like lining things up so it looks uniform. For example on the prices page, try to tab all the prices so they are aligned properly so things look neat and tidy. There's lots of good info on there, just keep plugging away at it. I think you need to come across as personable but not over familiar, iykwim. I know you can kind of go cross eyed when your looking at something all the time. Good luck

 

[Aphrodites]

Looks alot better, well done. Dont give up! A couple points:

1) is the font the same on every page? The makeup bullet points seem differn't do the above

2) Maybe make your site look less busy by putting all treatments on 1 tab and differn't parties on another?

I dont have a gallery on mine yet, but here's mine if you want to take a peek:

www.aphroditesbridalservices.co.uk

 

[sukic]

Sorry, I just noticed something else. On the male grooming page, why have you put *** in the words penis and testicles??? Those words are the proper terminology for those body parts. You're not swearing or being offensive. I'd take them out and spell them properly.

 

[spoilt]

:o

Hi Elisa. Nice website. very clean looking.

I have copied this from your home page and would suggest the following changes

I am a fully qualified and insured beauty therapist working in Stockton On Tees in Cleveland, North East Of England. I work from my home and also offer a mobile service. For the mobile service there will be a small charge POA for appointments outside of an 8miles radius of TS17 5HA.
I work from *insert your times here*, but I am available for later appointments at your request. Please contact me by either text or phone on 07805190621 to book an appointment or you can email me at [email protected]. All enquireys are delt with promptly.
I offer a range of relaxing, luxury beauty treatments to both females and males. Please feel free to browse through the treatments I offer, I am always updating my training portfolio to offer my clients the best treatments available in the beauty industry.​

I am a fully qualified and insured Beauty Therapist working in Stockton On Tees in Cleveland, North East Of England. I work from my home and also offer a mobile service. Mobile services are free within an 8 mile radius of TS17 5HA (a small charge may be applicable outside this area).
I work from *insert your times here*, but I am available for later appointments at your request. Please contact me by either text or phone on 07805190621 to book an appointment or you can email me at [email protected]. All enquiries are dealt with promptly. You can also become a fan of Spoilt Mobile Beauty on Facebook to be kept up to date with all the latest offers.
I offer a range of relaxing, luxury beauty treatments to both females and males. Please feel free to browse through the treatments I offer, I am always updating my training portfolio to offer my clients the best treatments available in the beauty industry.​

On the links down the side you spelled spray tan as spraty tan​

I hope this helps you a bit xx​

my spraty tan has got to go lol xxxx DONE XX thank you all again xx its ongoing 20 hrs plus now hahahh:o:o

 

[angelina221]

Sorry, I just noticed something else. On the male grooming page, why have you put *** in the words penis and testicles??? Those words are the proper terminology for those body parts. You're not swearing or being offensive. I'd take them out and spell them properly.

Yes i agree with this too. Also when you have a full body wax and then stop over in Chile, it's actually costing £5 more for the package!
Also i think people will get confused with a stopover in Brazil as you have called this Manzillian and not a Brazilian.
Some text i am struggling to read too. It's the text on your lashes page-it needs to be bigger.
Your prices need to stand out, so either make them bigger or bolder so that they stand out.
It is a vast improvement from before although there are still some typos!
Keep going-you're getting there!

 

[spoilt]

Looks alot better, well done. Dont give up! A couple points:

1) is the font the same on every page? The makeup bullet points seem differn't do the above

2) Maybe make your site look less busy by putting all treatments on 1 tab and differn't parties on another?

I dont have a gallery on mine yet, but here's mine if you want to take a peek:

www.aphroditesbridalservices.co.uk

fab... i guess everyine has different views.. i was told the same font on all pages was more proffesional....ohhhhhh i give up tonight . sweet dreams all . AND THANK U AGAIN X

 

[cutiekayl]

brightens.look yrs younger

The 35+ pamper party has this in the description, Other than the punctuation/caps ect that everyone has already pointed out, I personally dont think that its great to be using abbreviations such as yrs for clients

 

[totalbeauty]

After reading everyone's comments, I seriously think everyone should be checking their spelling and grammar, before publishing it, the writing should be checked and double-checked for spelling, it looks really unprofessional for a website to have errors on them and also the posts on here.

Sorry for having a moan, it's just one of my pet hates, and makes me wonder about qualifications, because if you can't spell, what image is it portraying?

 

[spoilt]

After reading everyone's comments, I seriously think everyone should be checking their spelling and grammar, before publishing it, the writing should be checked and double-checked for spelling, it looks really unprofessional for a website to have errors on them and also the posts on here.

Sorry for having a moan, it's just one of my pet hates, and makes me wonder about qualifications, because if you can't spell, what image is it portraying?

yes i knew my pages had typo and grammar and loads of mistakes. i published it to get feedback from everone on here... i havnt openly published it realy such as cards n stuff... i cant blame everone for typo error .... my pages are enough to make everones eyes water lol... Any input tho much appriciated and if you pick up on any more , please let me know xxx i turned it off its cracking me up lol i cant see strait anymore.....

 

[spoilt]

ok geeks . so i hope i can see today!! :twisted: my eyes and everyone elses were in bits yesterday .... so i am going to crack onwith the webpages today .... wish me luck. and any input will be appreciated xx ESPECIALLLLLY grammar n spelling :o

 

[Ruth Mills]

I'm not going to focus on any typos etc as they have already been mentioned.

However, my feelings are:

(1) The template for the website looks a bit bland. I'm not keen on the "crumpled paper" background. And the background for the "content" area is just plain white, and the background for the navigation links is just plain yellow. So they're not nice "buttons" (with bevelled edges and drop shadow) for example... and there are no nice pale background images (e.g. swirlies) behind the text. Although at least the link does change colour when you hover over it.

(2) Some of the names in the navigation menu are a bit long, e.g. "Girls night in pamper party, Hen party, Reunion or monthly treat". As a rule, I think it's normally best to limit the names of your navigation links to say 2 words (or 3 or 4 if you *really* must). Otherwise it takes people too long to read them. It's definitely best to be concise in the names of links on your navigation buttons in my opinion.

(3) There's a mixture of different fonts and sizes across different pages of the site. I think it's better to just stick to one font and be consistent with the use of font sizes across the entire site. There's also a mix of having text left aligned and centralised on different pages.

(4) The prices don't line up in the treatment menus, which I personally think looks messy. However this is almost certainly down to the way that the templates work internally; I doubt if you'd have much control over this.

(5) The shopping cart doesn't work. I entered my Shrewsbury address with the country as "United Kingdom" and it said "Sorry, we only deliver to the countries listed below. Please select a valid delivery country."

(6) The URLs (web addresses) aren't search engine friendly, e.g. the Shellac page is called "page_2045921.html" (which could mean anything)... whereas if it was called "shellac.html" then Google would read "shellac" when it indexes that web page. But again that's not your fault, as you are constrained by the internal workings of the content management system, which obviously isn't letting you have "SEO friendly" filenames for your pages.

(7) The "Tell a Friend" page doesn't have a CAPTCHA -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CAPTCHA - meaning that it's potentially open to abuse by automated systems.

(8) The "Delux pamper party 18+" page is a lot wider than the other pages on the site, probably because you've got a really long line of equals signs in the text as a separator.

(9) There's not much in the way of "magic" on the site, e.g. slideshows, nice image galleries, etc.

However, please don't take this as criticism of what *you've* done, as a lot of what I've mentioned is what you've probably got no control over...

 

[spoilt]

I'm not going to focus on any typos etc as they have already been mentioned.

However, my feelings are:

(1) The template for the website looks a bit bland. I'm not keen on the "crumpled paper" background. And the background for the "content" area is just plain white, and the background for the navigation links is just plain yellow. So they're not nice "buttons" (with bevelled edges and drop shadow) for example... and there are no nice pale background images (e.g. swirlies) behind the text. Although at least the link does change colour when you hover over it.

(2) Some of the names in the navigation menu are a bit long, e.g. "Girls night in pamper party, Hen party, Reunion or monthly treat". As a rule, I think it's normally best to limit the names of your navigation links to say 2 words (or 3 or 4 if you *really* must). Otherwise it takes people too long to read them. It's definitely best to be concise in the names of links on your navigation buttons in my opinion.

(3) There's a mixture of different fonts and sizes across different pages of the site. I think it's better to just stick to one font and be consistent with the use of font sizes across the entire site. There's also a mix of having text left aligned and centralised on different pages.

(4) The prices don't line up in the treatment menus, which I personally think looks messy. However this is almost certainly down to the way that the templates work internally; I doubt if you'd have much control over this.

(5) The shopping cart doesn't work. I entered my Shrewsbury address with the country as "United Kingdom" and it said "Sorry, we only deliver to the countries listed below. Please select a valid delivery country."

(6) The URLs (web addresses) aren't search engine friendly, e.g. the Shellac page is called "page_2045921.html" (which could mean anything)... whereas if it was called "shellac.html" then Google would read "shellac" when it indexes that web page. But again that's not your fault, as you are constrained by the internal workings of the content management system, which obviously isn't letting you have "SEO friendly" filenames for your pages.

(7) The "Tell a Friend" page doesn't have a CAPTCHA -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CAPTCHA - meaning that it's potentially open to abuse by automated systems.

(8) The "Delux pamper party 18+" page is a lot wider than the other pages on the site, probably because you've got a really long line of equals signs in the text as a separator.

(9) There's not much in the way of "magic" on the site, e.g. slideshows, nice image galleries, etc.

However, please don't take this as criticism of what *you've* done, as a lot of what I've mentioned is what you've probably got no control over...

saw RUTH MILLS as cringed lmao.... i knew u would hate it...lol ,,please help>>>>>> ile talk u on face book i always loose these threds. xx