VHunter
Well-Known Member
There is a definate difference between abuse and discipline.
Growing up, my father was an 'abuser' and my mom was a disciplinarian. DISTINCT difference.
I rarely smack my children's butts.
Ordinarily, it's a time-out or the 1-2-3. I revoke priveledges such as tv and toys. I make them sit and write out the alphabet or whatever. We talk it out. When they were toddlers, they sometimes got a flick on the hand when the word 'no' just didn't seep into their heads about touching things... or whatever.
But sometimes... when nothing else gets through... they get a smack on the heiney.
I'm slightly old school. If they say a bad word, they get soap in the mouth if the warnings aren't sufficient. (which, for the record, she hasn't said a single bad word since lol) But... I don't feel that a smack on the butt is teaching them violence. Particularly since I don't do it in a temper. If I'm mad,I don't do it. I send them to their room and when I'm not mad anymore we talk about what happened and I decide then the discipline
Here in Quebec, at one point, it WAS illegal to smack your child's butt. Now it is legal again. I have only to look at the amount of spoiled brats running about to know why. This is NOT to say that a 'smack' is the only way. But what works for one child doesn't always work for another. Clearly, somewhere...things got out of hand because children are simply not as respectful as they used to be in my generation or previous.
I didn't want to smack. In the beginning I didn't.
But one day when my eldest was 2.5yrs, she scared the life outta me. I'd taken her and her sister for a walk. We lived in the city then, with buses running the streets every min. Cailin had dropped something out of the carriage and Mereena decided to run off. I called her back and she laughed at me, thinking it was a game. She had done this a few times before that day (but not into the street, just running away from me and laughing). She ran into the street and mocked me. THANKFULLY no buses were coming. I dashed after her and hauled her back to the curb and she was STILL laughing at me. THAT was when she got the first smack on the butt. She simply couldn't grasp it was dangerous. I'd rather have her afraid of a smack on the butt, than running into the street....
The girls are now attending daycamp. And Cailin (4.5yrs) is becoming sassy lately. She's not paying the animators any mind. If she doesn't start behaving, she won't be allowed to go. And I WON'T get a refund AND I'll have to hire a sitter to watch her when I have clients. I took away tv, toys, crayons... nothing got through. So the other day, told her "behave at day camp, or I'll smack your butt". She didn't behave. Got home, got a smack on the butt. The next day.. she behaved.
She'd never gotten one before. She'd always been easy going, but right now, she's having her terrible 2's 'late'. Asserting herself.
It's not always the best answer, or the one we want to choose, but a little healthy fear of reprisal on a behind that's cushy.... hurts their pride more than their bottom.
The way I figure it, if my children don't respect me now; I'll be in HUGE trouble when they are 12 or 16 or whatever.
I'm not a perfect parent, only trying my best.
They're not angels, but I am proud of them because more often than not; I'm told how very well behaved they are.
They have their moments...like most do.
But I'm confident that they'll grow up well rounded.
And for the record, the occasional smack on the heiney has not taught them to hit others for they never do. In fact, when Cailin was a toddler and smacked her sister (before she had ever gotten one herself), her sister dashed to me complaining instead of smacking her back. Neither have ever intentionally hurt another child or each other.
just my very long, two pence worth
:hug:
Growing up, my father was an 'abuser' and my mom was a disciplinarian. DISTINCT difference.
I rarely smack my children's butts.
Ordinarily, it's a time-out or the 1-2-3. I revoke priveledges such as tv and toys. I make them sit and write out the alphabet or whatever. We talk it out. When they were toddlers, they sometimes got a flick on the hand when the word 'no' just didn't seep into their heads about touching things... or whatever.
But sometimes... when nothing else gets through... they get a smack on the heiney.
I'm slightly old school. If they say a bad word, they get soap in the mouth if the warnings aren't sufficient. (which, for the record, she hasn't said a single bad word since lol) But... I don't feel that a smack on the butt is teaching them violence. Particularly since I don't do it in a temper. If I'm mad,I don't do it. I send them to their room and when I'm not mad anymore we talk about what happened and I decide then the discipline
Here in Quebec, at one point, it WAS illegal to smack your child's butt. Now it is legal again. I have only to look at the amount of spoiled brats running about to know why. This is NOT to say that a 'smack' is the only way. But what works for one child doesn't always work for another. Clearly, somewhere...things got out of hand because children are simply not as respectful as they used to be in my generation or previous.
I didn't want to smack. In the beginning I didn't.
But one day when my eldest was 2.5yrs, she scared the life outta me. I'd taken her and her sister for a walk. We lived in the city then, with buses running the streets every min. Cailin had dropped something out of the carriage and Mereena decided to run off. I called her back and she laughed at me, thinking it was a game. She had done this a few times before that day (but not into the street, just running away from me and laughing). She ran into the street and mocked me. THANKFULLY no buses were coming. I dashed after her and hauled her back to the curb and she was STILL laughing at me. THAT was when she got the first smack on the butt. She simply couldn't grasp it was dangerous. I'd rather have her afraid of a smack on the butt, than running into the street....
The girls are now attending daycamp. And Cailin (4.5yrs) is becoming sassy lately. She's not paying the animators any mind. If she doesn't start behaving, she won't be allowed to go. And I WON'T get a refund AND I'll have to hire a sitter to watch her when I have clients. I took away tv, toys, crayons... nothing got through. So the other day, told her "behave at day camp, or I'll smack your butt". She didn't behave. Got home, got a smack on the butt. The next day.. she behaved.
She'd never gotten one before. She'd always been easy going, but right now, she's having her terrible 2's 'late'. Asserting herself.
It's not always the best answer, or the one we want to choose, but a little healthy fear of reprisal on a behind that's cushy.... hurts their pride more than their bottom.
The way I figure it, if my children don't respect me now; I'll be in HUGE trouble when they are 12 or 16 or whatever.
I'm not a perfect parent, only trying my best.
They're not angels, but I am proud of them because more often than not; I'm told how very well behaved they are.
They have their moments...like most do.
But I'm confident that they'll grow up well rounded.
And for the record, the occasional smack on the heiney has not taught them to hit others for they never do. In fact, when Cailin was a toddler and smacked her sister (before she had ever gotten one herself), her sister dashed to me complaining instead of smacking her back. Neither have ever intentionally hurt another child or each other.
just my very long, two pence worth
:hug: