throw away the key

[gillian w]

I have always had everything in my bedroom. And i have never had or caused a problem.

you can block sites from your PC, set restrictions.

In all fairness, all your kids are probably trying to hide from you is when they are telling their mates who they fancy on MSN.

Keep an eye on their contacts list, just to make sure they only have their actual friends on there. even ask them to write you a list of their friends email addys so you know who's who.

ask them what websites they use, set the computer to allow access to these.

Keep an eye on their myspace or other profile friends list, and ask them to set their profile to private so that only their friends can see it.

I think these are reasonable things to do, But IMO even children need some privacy.

Im not a parent, but im probably nearer to childhood than alot of the moms on here! lol. And if my parents started getting on my case about stuff and invading my privacy, id have probably rebelled just to p*$$ them off, and more to the point, tried to find out what they were hiding from me.

I have to agree with alot of your points.My daughter is 16 next month and i would love to know what she is upto all the time what sites shes on who shes online to what texts are on her phone etc etc .but i feel that at her age now she has to be allowed to have a certain amount of privacy.She has a laptop so she is on her own in her bedroom on it.
what i have done since my kids were both young is just constantly warn them of the dangers in everything that i know of,going through different scenarios etc.
If i was to start invading every aspect of her privacy i know it would have the opposite effect she would just be more secretive with me.Anyway they are so more computer literate than a lot of us that she would know ways of blocking me out.
I have to trust her judgement on who shes speaking to etc and hope ive taught her enough to take care.
you have to let go bit by bit.You really cant protect them from everything but you can teach them to protect themselves.
Paedophiles usually find their victims in the very innocent,young and naive not the streetwise and clued up.
My son whos still only 12 well thats a different story.Hes still a baby, he cant breathe without me knowing at the moment.

 

[ValencianNails]

Paedophiles usually find their victims in the very innocent,young and naive not the streetwise and clued up.

I disagree where the internet is concerned...
kids have group conversations on msn, their friends add their friends to the conversation window and so on...

What if one of their friends wasn't a 15 year old boy, what if he were a 46 year old man who was pretending to be a 15 year old boy???
Paedophiles are very clever, especially where discreet grooming is concerned... how would your daughter know if one of her friends was a bit naive and had added this 'boy' to her friends list without knowing exactly who he was, then your daughter added him to her friends list because he was a 'friend of a friend'... need I go on?

We ALL need to be aware of what our children are doing on the internet, if that means asking them what they're up to then so be it, if it means having a look through their received files then so be it... I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I agree with Yolanda, Momma's house, Momma's rules!

 

[gillian w]

I disagree where the internet is concerned...
kids have group conversations on msn, their friends add their friends to the conversation window and so on...

What if one of their friends wasn't a 15 year old boy, what if he were a 46 year old man who was pretending to be a 15 year old boy???
Paedophiles are very clever, especially where discreet grooming is concerned... how would your daughter know if one of her friends was a bit naive and had added this 'boy' to her friends list without knowing exactly who he was, then your daughter added him to her friends list because he was a 'friend of a friend'... need I go on?

We ALL need to be aware of what our children are doing on the internet, if that means asking them what they're up to then so be it, if it means having a look through their received files then so be it... I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I agree with Yolanda, Momma's house, Momma's rules!

Its all what ifs though ,and life is full of what ifs.shes got to travel 15 miles on her own to college soon ,what if someone trys to pick her up at a bus stop.Do i not let her go to college.
So i ban her from my space she will do it behind my back its as big as msn.She wants to have one. What excuse do i have, well you might get groomed by paedophiles.
We cant constantly live in fear it may seem like there is one round every corner but if we truly believed that, our kids would never go out to play,never go out of our sight.
Most paedophiles abuse closer to home in their own circles and families.

 

[ValencianNails]

Its all what ifs though ,and life is full of what ifs.shes got to travel 15 miles on her own to college soon ,what if someone trys to pick her up at a bus stop.Do i not let her go to college.
So i ban her from my space she will do it behind my back its as big as msn.She wants to have one. What excuse do i have, well you might get groomed by paedophiles.
We cant constantly live in fear it may seem like there is one round every corner but if we truly believed that, our kids would never go out to play,never go out of our sight.
Most paedophiles abuse closer to home in their own circles and families.

Your putting phrases into my mouth that I never mentioned...
I didn't say you should 'ban her', I said to ask her what she's doing, there's a big difference.
In our day to day lives (ie her going to college) we see people face to face, it's a lot easier to handle a situation as we can gauge atmosphere as well as how comfortable we feel, it's completely different to chatting on msn or myspace to a faceless person who we might not know.

My children both have a bebo site, they both use msn, I don't ban them from using it because I'm scared for them, I use my instincts and ask them what they're doing from time to time... I'd rather they know that I'm trying to keep them safe rather than them have a computer in their bedrooms and have no idea what they're up to or who they're chatting to!

 

[Jewsey]

I am always asking my son who he is talking to on msn and i check too, he has something like 200 addy's and sometimes i do check what he has been doing, i couldnt just let him on and leave to his own devices, you really cant be too careful and as sandi says who knows what addys their friends have...

But just to throw a spanner in the works guys ....
My son watches me on this forum sometimes and he asks me the question
"How do you really know who your talking to mum?"
Well because i do, well what else could i say although i know there are no wierdos on here, he says you just never no Mum .....

Julie x

 

[EllaX]

I'm so glad there was no internet when i was a teenager!! x

 

[Katelisa]

When you have children...teenage children, you'll be doing the same thing. Privacy? Yeah right! My son is 17 and he ain't got none, I want to know what's going on at ALL times and if he don't like it when he get 18 he can bounce, but until then...Momma's house, momma's rules!!

But why is this Yolanda? Surely not to protect him from paedophiles? Im guessing you keep an eye on him for other reasons. in which case the whole living by your rules isnt so much for his protection, but to keep him out of trouble? (thats just what im picking up from what youve said) which is totally different.

If you trust your kids then leave them be. If they are too young to know whats going on in the world then by all means you need to monitor them. although at the age where they can use the internet to communicate woith other people without your help, they are probably old enough to understand what kind of awful people there are in the world!

 

[Sals]

But why is this Yolanda? Surely not to protect him from paedophiles? Im guessing you keep an eye on him for other reasons. in which case the whole living by your rules isnt so much for his protection, but to keep him out of trouble? (thats just what im picking up from what youve said) which is totally different.

If you trust your kids then leave them be. If they are too young to know whats going on in the world then by all means you need to monitor them. although at the age where they can use the internet to communicate woith other people without your help, they are probably old enough to understand what kind of awful people there are in the world!

My friend's seven year old can use the internet without help. I don't think he's worldly wise, do you?

 

[Katelisa]

My friend's seven year old can use the internet without help. I don't think he's worldly wise, do you?

no but surely hes old enough to know that theres some awful people in the world and that he needs to be careful.

I have a 4 year old cousin that knows that!

Why arent kids off doing kids stuff anyway? Playing outside. interacting face to face with their friends?

Thats what should be encouraged.

My mom always let me have friends round whenever i wanted, i was an only child so i guess she didnt want me gerowing up to be a recluse!

 

[Sals]

no but surely hes old enough to know that theres some awful people in the world and that he needs to be careful.

I have a 4 year old cousin that knows that!

Yes he does, but I don't think such young children have yet developed the ability to make a judgement on someone, especially via the internet. They don't have that cynicism.

 

[Katelisa]

Yes he does, but I don't think such young children have yet developed the ability to make a judgement on someone, especially via the internet. They don't have that cynicism.

But if that child is told that they are not to speak to strangers, like they would be in real life, then what is the problem?

 

[JDs]

I'm so glad there was no internet when i was a teenager!! x

Yes but there were still weirdos out there.:wink2:

I spent most of my time sitting in my room listening to records, drawing and going to friends houses via my bike.
but I was still subject to a few unworthy fellows exposing themselves in broad daylight.

We cannot protect our children all the time. If we try then we are being too controlling and they will grow up in a glasshouse. My opinion is to get these kids off the internet and outside doing active and creative things.

 

[Sals]

I disagree where the internet is concerned...
kids have group conversations on msn, their friends add their friends to the conversation window and so on...

What if one of their friends wasn't a 15 year old boy, what if he were a 46 year old man who was pretending to be a 15 year old boy???
Paedophiles are very clever, especially where discreet grooming is concerned... how would your daughter know if one of her friends was a bit naive and had added this 'boy' to her friends list without knowing exactly who he was, then your daughter added him to her friends list because he was a 'friend of a friend'... need I go on?

We ALL need to be aware of what our children are doing on the internet, if that means asking them what they're up to then so be it, if it means having a look through their received files then so be it... I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I agree with Yolanda, Momma's house, Momma's rules!

But if that child is told that they are not to speak to strangers, like they would be in real life, then what is the problem?

Which takes us back to Sandi's point......

 

[Katelisa]

but you cant do anything about that!!

your kids could be playing at their friends house and talking to 'a young lad' thats actually a 45 yr old. your not there then? so what are you going to do?

you tell your children the dangers of talking to people they dont know, and explain that people arent always who they say they are. and they should never give out any personal detaILS etc for that reason, no matter how nice the person is. give them the tools to take responsibility. they might even then say to their friend, 'well you dont really know who that person is, maybe you shouldnt talk to them'.

explaining things to your kids isd a much better way to get a opsitive response surely?

 

[Sals]

Yes but there were still weirdos out there.:wink2:

I spent most of my time sitting in my room listening to records, drawing and going to friends houses via my bike.
but I was still subject to a few unworthy fellows exposing themselves in broad daylight.

We cannot protect our children all the time. If we try then we are being too controlling and they will grow up in a glasshouse. My opinion is to get these kids off the internet and outside doing active and creative things.

Couldn't agree more. I think in the main (definitely in my area) kids do still play outside and with their friends. They still like the internet though. I used to come home from school and immediately phone the friends I'd just spent the day with!:lol: I suppose MSN is today's version of that.

 

[Jewsey]

Couldn't agree more. I think in the main (definitely in my area) kids do still play outside and with their friends. They still like the internet though. I used to come home from school and immediately phone the friends I'd just spent the day with!:lol: I suppose MSN is today's version of that.

I agree sals i used to do the same, spend all night on the phone to them as soon as i got homex

Juliex

 

[HappyHands]

Although I am not too keen on my children being on the laptop in his room, I trust him and believe that my son has to take responabilty for what he is doing.. MSN is a hugh case of moving witht he times.. I do however check his msn names list (with his permission) and what he is doing on his laptop..

My son vary rarly goes out.. he is a loner and this is due to other children teasing and bulling him so much he stays away from them, he meets up with his friend on a game website and talks and plays with them (i know all these friends ... he only has 6 on his mssn) If at any time he has been asked a question he feels is not right he does not answer it and reports it too me straight away..

Many of you may not agree with what I let my son do and thats fine.. but my son is a kind loving and caring young boy (although he can be a hand full lol) and I would not swap him for love nor money...

I do agree though there are shed loads of peds out there but there are soo many i think it is beyond are controll and always will be... we may dwindle them down but there will always be some about.. so take care

 

[pazzy]

When I was about 9 or 10 we had CB's and used to chat to each other and a load of strangers - what was worse about that was people could find out where you were by your cb ariel on your house. There was they 'eyeball' thing ( Meeting up) they could have been anyone.

I dont think the world is anymore 'worse' than it was when I was a kid.

At some point in our lives we have all come across some weirdo exposing themselves - but because the word peadophile is so scarey it wasnt even heard of when we were kids-but they were always there - lurking- waiting for an opportunity - it has made us all watch our kids like hawks.

Education on this is our power. We can just continue to be cautious all the time - just like our own parents were - telling them where we were going - when we would be back and who we were with. No mobile phones!!!

We also dont give our kids enough credit. They are more wise than we think.

 

[Ms.Matrix]

But why is this Yolanda? Surely not to protect him from paedophiles? Im guessing you keep an eye on him for other reasons. in which case the whole living by your rules isnt so much for his protection, but to keep him out of trouble? (thats just what im picking up from what youve said) which is totally different.

If you trust your kids then leave them be. If they are too young to know whats going on in the world then by all means you need to monitor them. although at the age where they can use the internet to communicate woith other people without your help, they are probably old enough to understand what kind of awful people there are in the world!

He does have a myspace, which I set up, an email address which I set up and I have and keep the passwords to both and check them whenever I feel like it (which really isn't much given the time I'm on my sites)

And I keep an eye on him to protect him from the streets...the street of Detroit and the streets of any other urban areas are sometimes treacherous, my only brother was killed in the streets. I don't intend on burying my son because I am not keeping an eye on him...So whatever steps I have to take I will! My son has been victimized once when he was 3 by a very close friend of the family...someone who I wouldn't have thought twice about trusting. It hurt like hell to think that they could have done that to my baby.

You know how you have a nagging in the back of your mind and you don't pay it any attention? That's what I was having...and I should have listened to my instincts and my gut, because my gut instinct was right on point!

but you cant do anything about that!!

your kids could be playing at their friends house and talking to 'a young lad' thats actually a 45 yr old. your not there then? so what are you going to do?

you tell your children the dangers of talking to people they dont know, and explain that people arent always who they say they are. and they should never give out any personal detaILS etc for that reason, no matter how nice the person is. give them the tools to take responsibility. they might even then say to their friend, 'well you dont really know who that person is, maybe you shouldnt talk to them'.

explaining things to your kids isd a much better way to get a opsitive response surely?

You explain to your children and you still look out for them, it's all a part of being a parent. When I taught my son to cross the street, even after I taught him, I still made it a point to watch him as he crossed the street on his way to school...again, just part of parenting...to me anyway.

When I was about 9 or 10 we had CB's and used to chat to each other and a load of strangers - what was worse about that was people could find out where you were by your cb ariel on your house. There was they 'eyeball' thing ( Meeting up) they could have been anyone.

I dont think the world is anymore 'worse' than it was when I was a kid.

At some point in our lives we have all come across some weirdo exposing themselves - but because the word peadophile is so scarey it wasnt even heard of when we were kids-but they were always there - lurking- waiting for an opportunity - it has made us all watch our kids like hawks.

Education on this is our power. We can just continue to be cautious all the time - just like our own parents were - telling them where we were going - when we would be back and who we were with. No mobile phones!!!

We also dont give our kids enough credit. They are more wise than we think.

I believe this fully...but it is my job to keep watch over my little ones, they are too precious to lose!

 

[pazzy]

I believe this fully...but it is my job to keep watch over my little ones, they are too precious to lose!

Absolutely as parents that is our 'job' to protect our youngsters - but the media is frightening us so much - we simply worry so much.

I am trying to relax around my son (see me walking alongside a road with him - Im at my wits end - its not healthy lol)

I would give anything to allow him to have the same 'freedom' I had.