Need advice on men and massage!

[Rkk]

Hello

So I'm a massage therpaist at a laser clinic and the only therapist that dose not mind doing male massage. I passed my Level 3 massage last July and have been doing massage in my job ever since.


Anyway to the point, a few weeks back a man came in and asked for a massage with me ( he was unaware I was the only one who dose male massage) so I booked him in for that day at 4pm he then called and said he can't make it. 2 days later myself and my manger was on reception and he called I couldn't understand what he said but I was it was rude. I passed him onto my manger and she refused to put him on the phone to me and told him if he calls again we will call the police. ( he was saying he wanted to do rude things to me)


2 weeks later an older man came in ask for a massage as he usually gose every month but his in london working. I told him come back at 11 as I had a client.


When he came back I took him to the room and told him please can you get undressed leave your underwear on get under the tails face down so I can start on the back. I came back to the room and he was in tiny little pants on the tails said he was hot.


I started the massage and about 10 minutes into it he started making weird noises, I thought he was asleep so I carried on. He did this all the way whist kind of moving his bum. Me being dopey me I said are you okay ( thinking I was hurting him) by this point I was on the head ready to finish my massage he the looked up and said " that was amazing not knowing where your hands will go next, back where I go for massage she gives me a massage down there and sexually pleases me ( by this point I had taken my hand off him and stepped back) is there any chance you can do that because you have really turnt me on he said. I felt sick and said. No there isn't please can you get dressed and meet me at reception he then said okay I will use the bath room first and do I have showers he can use. I said no and left.




Am I safe doing massage on men when everyone else is in treatments and wouldn't know if anything happened? Is this normal to get this kind of thing happening? This had really put me off of massage knowing some dirty old men can get turnt on. Is it my thought for not saying some thing sooner? I don't want to say I ain't doing men as I have some lovly clients who are male and they have came after their wife's have reccomeded and a few have muscular problems.
Would love to know what you think as I'm only young and really don't know what to do

 

[weezie]

This is awful. You need to talk to your manager and get some safeguards put in place to prevent you from being at risk of sexual harassment. This should not be happening to you at work and there should be a protocol in place for you to deal with this kind of situation. Hugs. X

 

[harmonyholistic]

This is not normal. A decent man would never behave in that sort of way. It's maddening that some men seam to think that the word therapist could mean something else.
I work with men and I always try to vet them over the phone first. But it's not always that easy. Luckily it is rare and the weirdos always give themselves away in some way by the sort of questions they ask on the phone.
The questions I listen out for is what areas of the body do you massage. Or some will come straight out with and say do you do extras. Listen for there tone when on the phone. If they ask which areas you masage explain which areas. If they are happy with that then it should be ok to book them in. If they are up to no good they usually make some sort of excuse not to book. Never accept a phone booking if the number is with held either if they with hold there number then they could have something to hide. . Always ask for there full name before the booking and there contact number. Your manager handled it beautifully by saying she will call the police in if he calls again.
It's so sad that a few men spoil it for the majority. I have some wonderful male clients who are absolute gentlemen. It spoils it for everyone and makes it hard for genuine male clients to get a treatment.
You could get a doorbell that is wireless. That you can have in your room. Then the bell part could be put in a room where someone else is. It can be moved around but used as a panic button. To alert other therapists that there is a problem. I got mine from argos for fifteen pounds. It gives me peace of mind.

 

[waxingmodel]

I think this article is well worth reading:

When a Client Crosses the Line

 

[harmonyholistic]

Thanks waxing model. This ad is brilliant.

 

[waxingmodel]

Thanks waxing model. This ad is brilliant.

Yes, I've come across so many threads regarding issues with male clients - I think the article addresses many of these sensitively and intelligently!

 

[Calm]

Hi RKK,

Sorry to hear this. I stopped seeing male clients altogether after my experiences of phone calls asking if I provided "extras" or "hand relief". Some men who seemed professional and completely normal over the phone would start making sexual comments during the treatment which made me feel like they'd tricked me and that I had made bad judgement initially, by trusting them.

I was close to quitting beauty/massage until I made the decision to see ladies only. I cannot express just how upset and uncomfortable it makes therapists feel to know there are so many perverted, opportunist men out there. Why do they approach professional therapists instead of going directly to a sex worker? the mind boggles.

Ultimately, the only way therapists can avoid situations such as the one you have described is to become self employed. My best friend works in an up market London Spa and is quitting soon after being propositioned almost daily by men who cannot distinguish between a professional massage and the "other" massage. She could not come across or dress anymore professionally if she tried, yet still they ask. It's soul destroying.

Unless Salons/hotels/Spas start bringing in "female only" regulations you will find a lot of therapists quitting to become self employed. It's getting worse and would not be tolerated in ANY other sector. It's sexual, predatory behaviour.

 

[hazelb]

When I first started out in about 1994, for 3 years I used to do a lot of massage ( trained in swedish and sports therapy massage) I had quite a high proportion of male clients and never had any problems at all even though i worked alone.

Now I'm back promoting the massage side to my business ( swedish and hot stone ) as i have been doing mainly acupuncture clients in the intervening years.
I'm sure it's not my imagination but there seems to be a change in mens attitude to massage. I've had a few calls that have made me feel uncomfortable where they have asked about any special techniques I use. As I still work alone in the day I decide to offer massage to women only..saves me getting stressed out about new clients.

I think the idea of 'dodgy massages' are much more talked about ..so some dimwitted blokes can't tell the difference between that and a proper reputable therapist.

You need to stay safe, you need to not be sexualy harrased in the work place..your boss may need to drop male massages of the treatment menu. Or get a big butch bloke in the to them!

 

[Rkk]

Thank you for all the replies and advise ladies been a massive help.

I am thinking if completly avoiding male massage atm but I am looking to apply for stiner and I no you cant be picky and I wouldnt want my boss to infrom them that I wont not massage men.

I have a few male clients who are genuine and really there for a massage so its hard to just stop doing men the thought of a 65 year old man getting turnt on whist I am massageing him is horrible. I wonder if these kind of men have any daughters who is my age.
The door bell in my room sounds like a grate idea will ask my boss about this.

Thanks again ladies Xx

 

[Calm]

I hope things work out for you and I know how you must be feeling.

Just bear in mind that even *asking* for sexual services is classed as sexual harassment. To be asked, by a client, if you offer hand relief or any extras would not be tolerated within any other sector. I strongly recommend involving the Police if clients so much as ask, it's the only way it's going to be stamped out.

Can you imagine somebody asking their chiropractor, GP, podiatrist (etc, ect, insert others here) if they offer hand jobs??!!

 

[Rkk]

It is very disrespectful and I worry as when the other therapist are doing laser in the rooms at the back they would have no idea is something was happening.

I am back tomorrow and will have a word with my boss I thought at first maybe im being to kind and giving them the wrong ideal but my mum and everyone I have spoken to has disagreed thats why I wrote on here to get advise from others this has happened to.
Xx

 

[kamikate]

You are lucky to have a good boss. I work on my own and after a few dodgy experiences, I now am on alert whenever a new male client rings up. I have to trust my gut instincts but sometimes you can't tell over the phone. I'm usually quite cool and not so friendly with new males until they become regulars. I hope by now, you've done something about getting a bell installed.

 

[Rkk]

Hiya kamikate

I spoke with my boss and agreed to keep my male clients I already have, and if any new male clients want a massage I will do a long full consultation where I will explain what will happen in the massage and at the bottom of these consultation I made is a contract to say this is professional clinic and anyone who over steps the line will be reported to the police.

I did see a video on youtube with a male having a massage and he asked for a happy ending n the therapist left the room and came back with all the staff and they danced around the couch and removed his cloths from the salon before letting off loads of balloons and poppers ( I don't think that man will be asking for a happy ending in a rush) the embarrassment** lol maybe I will give this a try next time hahha

 

[HollysRose]

I'm not qualified in massages (although I do plan on this in the future) but I just wanted to say how disgusting this is. It makes me feel sad for the men who genuinely want a massage but they get, either turned away completely or they are vetted just because they're male. I know a few men who have regular massages and would never dream of asking for 'something special'. Some men just don't respect this profession and it's horrible to hear of the way they react and they don't even seem to understand the way it makes the therapist feel. However, it also makes me wonder why they think it's ok to ask for these things. Some men obviously have stupid thoughts but I wonder if a different therapist has said yes to them in the past. Disgusting!

 

[Rkk]

Hi hollysrose

There must be places that offer special services for them to think it is okay to ask.

The one time that really got to me was when the old man was rubbing himself on the couch and me being so dumb I did not notice what he was doing so he was getting turnt on by me just massaging his body.

It makes me sick to think that man was getting off with the thought of a young girl touching him. I am only 21 and lo about 17 so really that man is a pervert as he had no idea what age I was.

Good luck with your massage and just be ready for these kind of clients and know how to react.

I feel it had made me more professional and had taught me not to be so kind to clients or treat them like a friend as it can be taken wrong. I can know manage a situation like this without feeling awkward or like I had done something wrong because at first I felt like **** and wrong but now I feel I am a better therapist

xx

 

[squidgernetball]

Hi hollysrose

There must be places that offer special services for them to think it is okay to ask.

The one time that really got to me was when the old man was rubbing himself on the couch and me being so dumb I did not notice what he was doing so he was getting turnt on by me just massaging his body.

It makes me sick to think that man was getting off with the thought of a young girl touching him. I am only 21 and lo about 17 so really that man is a pervert as he had no idea what age I was.

Good luck with your massage and just be ready for these kind of clients and know how to react.

I feel it had made me more professional and had taught me not to be so kind to clients or treat them like a friend as it can be taken wrong. I can know manage a situation like this without feeling awkward or like I had done something wrong because at first I felt like **** and wrong but now I feel I am a better therapist

xx

There are places that offer special services. There's one in the next town to me. They wear the same uniform as me (oops!) but that is where the similarity ends.
To make sure there is no confusion, their website offers massage with extremely scantily clad women wearing thongs. Which is why it makes me so mad that men would go into a beauty salon or a masseuse and think it's suddenly okay to ask a young girl (or old one) doing a professional job, to "finish him off". If you want this, go to a place that clearly offers it. Or maybe the kick is the distress they cause!

Vic x

Sent from my SM-N910F using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Jack Dunn]

I eventually took massage off my treatment list as I was sick of the emails and text messages... 'What do you look like'... 'What do you wear' ... 'I'm a bit nervous of getting aroused'... and that was the straight men!

Sadly some male clients do act inappropriately and as a therapist do you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

As I work for myself I have the luxury of being able to make that decision, but I know that unfortunately some therapists work in environments where they don't always have a voice and sometimes they have to offer treatments that they don't feel comfortable or safe.

Good luck

Jack

 

[Escapebeauty13]

I have been doing beauty therapy for over 13 years and have done lots of men with no trouble over the years until a few weeks ago.
I had to finish his massage early as he was making me feel so uncomfortable. It's put me off taking walk ins off the street which is unfortunate because I've had some lovely gent walk ins.
Couldn't help but think what would have happened if I had been in the salon on my own now though.
I messaged him to say I was no longer doing his treatment and luckily haven't heard anything since.

 

[Rkk]

Escape beauty keep his number and client card ( if he has one) and if he calls in again give it to the police this is what we have put in place now and I warn my new male clients about this during consultation. I no it's harsh but I'm a 21 year old girl and work alone a lot on late nights and I refuse to put myself at risk or allow my boss to put me at risk.

Most of my male clients agree and say they would expect the same if their daughter was in my shoes.

 

[Escapebeauty13]

Thanks RKK. I have kept his number. I suppose I've been lucky to only ever have this happen to me now.
Hate to think of a young girl been put in the same position.