Sister's stuck in a relationship

[Elaine Armani]

Hi guys,
So I'm posting this for my sister, she's been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years, he is the most controlling person ever, she runs a mobile beauty business and NEVER has money! Why? Because he takes every dime she makes! Sometimes she can't even pay for her insurance because she doesn't have the $$- now it gets a little more complicated so this guy has no job and his excuse is because he is studying. He grew up with no mother and his dad took him away from his mum when he was 3 and since then his dad kept re marrying and divorcing so now his dad has a wife and 5 kids. About two yrs ago he had a huge fight with his dad and asked my parents if he could stay for a few nights, my dad was reluctant but said if he needed help then it would be ok if he slept on a separate bed. Okay so a few weeks passed and he didn't leave but my sister liked his company and kept insisting he stayed a little more... My parents were ok with it after a little while and ever since that day he still lives with us... My parents don't ask for him to pay for anything cause they know he has no income and no that he loves money. Few months ago he bought a brand new BMW... Guess where the money came from? My sisters hard earnt money.
So basically she wants to break up with him but she says its too hard she tried to at the beginning of this year and he started getting abusive and was saying I have no one else don't leave me bla bla bla...
If he didn't live with us it would of been much easier to break it off but my sister is soooo sensitive and can't make a decision she's too scared. She says she feels sorry for him cause hes got nothing else.
Mind you- she's caught him countless times cheating, is there anything I could do to help her get stronger and how to deal with the break up so he doesn't make such a scene..
She's lost all of her friends since she met him and has neglected her self she used to take so much care if her self but now she doesn't at all. I can see how depressed she is but I think she's got a fear of breaking up and is so scared to deal with being on her own since she's got no friends to spend time with to forget about him.
I feel really bad and I really want to help her, she needs to slowly get stronger but I have no idea how!

Thanks a lot xx

 

[jacquelineanna]

What a very strange and rather bizarre story.

I am more puzzled by your parents.

I cannot understand why they are allowing him to still stay when he has no job but loves money, their daughter gives him all her money, and he has just bought himself a BMW!

I have no advice for your sister as it doesn't seem she wants to really be away from this guy.. Until she shows the smallest sign that she really does want to get rid of him it will all fall on deaf ears.

 

[ballyboo]

Unbelievable! this sounds like something that would appear on Jeremy Kyle!

 

[Elaine Armani]

What a very strange and rather bizarre story.

I am more puzzled by your parents.

I cannot understand why they are allowing him to still stay when he has no job but loves money, their daughter gives him all her money, and he has just bought himself a BMW!

I have no advice for your sister as it doesn't seem she wants to really be away from this guy.. Until she shows the smallest sign that she really does want to get rid of him it will all fall on deaf ears.

Yeah my dads told him to leave multiple times but then told him he was going to change and etc.. Nothing changed.
She broke up with him not long ago and after he took his things and left he kept texting her and calling her telling her he loves her and etc (he was trying to suck her back in) he was saying he has nobody else but her and then she went to him because she felt sorry for him...
She's totally controlled by him and has been for 3 years, he constantly manipulates her and has made her believe she's nothing without him!

 

[sparkle_beauty]

6 years ago I was in the same situation. I had been with him for 4years when I finally found the courage to leave him. I had to get the police to remove him from my house as he refused to leave.
I'm sorry to say but until your sister realises it's not right and she needs to leave him there's nothing anyone can do she needs to realise it herself.
Your parents could kick him out but she may end up leaving with him.
It must be horrible for you to see but until she finds the strength to ignore his emotional blackmail hell always end up back in her life x

 

[Nearlyme]

She isnt really stuck though is she. She got rid of him before but she allowed him back in. Anr more importantly your parents allowed him to move back in!!
If your dad doesn't want him there then tell him to man up and TELL him to get out of his house. Not "ask" him!
And your sister needs to want to get rid of him. If she wanted to then last time she would have changed her number and reported him for harassment

Sent from my GT-I9505 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Smellenor]

What a very strange and rather bizarre story.

I am more puzzled by your parents.

I cannot understand why they are allowing him to still stay when he has no job but loves money, their daughter gives him all her money, and he has just bought himself a BMW!

I have no advice for your sister as it doesn't seem she wants to really be away from this guy.. Until she shows the smallest sign that she really does want to get rid of him it will all fall on deaf ears.

I agree, it's your parent's house. You don't ask someone to leave your house, you TELL them to!! Physically collect his things and throw them out the door then if he refuses to leave call the police.

I also agree that it falls on deaf ears - she will only end it with him when she is ready however she needs to know she's better than that - people like that accept what they think they deserve so reiterate to her that she doesn't. As for the car and money, well that's just disgusting. Did she give him the money willingly? I'd be inclined to seek advice re that. Best of luck x

Sent from my Nexus 4 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[Elaine Armani]

I agree, it's your parent's house. You don't ask someone to leave your house, you TELL them to!! Physically collect his things and throw them out the door then if he refuses to leave call the police.

I also agree that it falls on deaf ears - she will only end it with him when she is ready however she needs to know she's better than that - people like that accept what they think they deserve so reiterate to her that she doesn't. As for the car and money, well that's just disgusting. Did she give him the money willingly? I'd be inclined to seek advice re that. Best of luck x

Sent from my Nexus 4 using SalonGeek mobile app

You're right!
She's slowly getting there and she definitely knows its not where she wants to be. She doesn't want to give him her money I've overheard them speaking and she was saying I can't give you money I need to stock up on products and pay for my insurance and he pretty much forced her to give it.. I know my parents have made the mistake to keep him there but they really didn't know how he was till about 6-7 months ago and now they keep trying to help her to get the courage to leave. I can see she's slowly getting there. Fingers crossed... She keeps telling me "Elaine I really want to I know I'm stupid and I bring this to myself but I'm trying"

 

[Min]

I kinda agree with the others, your folks should have kicked him out for spending your sisters money and staying for so long!
But do they know your sisters had enough? And he is abusive?
If they don't you gotta tell them and together boot him.
Any chance your sister can get any money back from the BMW thing?

 

[tonicj]

This guy is not only controlling your sister, he's controlling the household and he's doing it because he is allowed to. He clearly has no self respect and no respect for any one in your home. How this situation was ever allowed to develop in the first place is beyond comprehension! A serious wake up call is long overdue. This story actually makes me cross!

 

[Min]

I agree - he is controlling the household! It's an awful situation & need to be dealt with. I would first get him out the house and then deal with your sisters feelings.

Anyways, What the update?

 

[Elaine Armani]

I agree - he is controlling the household! It's an awful situation & need to be dealt with. I would first get him out the house and then deal with your sisters feelings.

Anyways, What the update?

It's definitely an awful situation!
I really do wish I could of stopped it from developing from this extent but none of us knew he was like this and she was too blind to see it knowing how much time she spent with him.
No updates.... Still the same.

 

[WithLove]

I think you should call a house hold meeting and bring this to a close. Have all his stuff packed and ready to go, and just state this behaviour is not acceptable in your household, youve given him multiple chances with your sister and to get his act together, clearly he hasnt done so this his left you with no choice.

You are not babysitters and do not need to tend to a grown man who can clearly look after himself but chooses to spend your sisters hard earnt money on luxury items and a certain lifestyle which he knows he couldnt fund without her. Your sister needs to give him no say in the matter, its done and that is it! What kind of relationship can be based on his bullying antics? And what if there was kids...... no no tell her she needs to get out sooner rather then later! For her sanity

 

[mm29]

She needs to stand up to him so when she comes home with her earnings and he says right can I have it she should tell him not a chance and to chase himself!

If she really wants him to leave tell him too

 

[Elaine Armani]

Update: she broke up with him and he's insisting that he doesn't want her for her money but I've told her to be strong and stick to her decision.
She's feeling guilty for hurting him but all in all I feel like she did a good thing