terrible two's!! help !!

[tinkywinky]

My son is gorgeous but I am having a few problems at the moment.:cry:

I work mostly in the evening and he goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, so I am at home most of the time with him.

I have two major problems with him:

1) when the phone rings and I am speaking, he gets really mad and says come on mummy and drags me off to the fridge/cupboard for food. or starts having a paddy.
I know it is an attention thing and need to get off the phone asap but he doesn't do this if I'm not on the phone; this in turn is very embarassing when I'm on the phone to clients.

2) if he's tired he hits me and gets really angry; i took him to play football in the park last night and it took me 45 mins to get him home. he was kicking and screaming in the pushchair as he didn't want to get in.

I do the naughty step thing and it does work at times.

I Phoned my hubby at work saying I cannot cope with him when he is like this; this morning I felt very fragile and burst out crying twice before 10am. Is this normal for a 2.5 year old ?? Am I doing something wrong?? Do I need to see a doctor for coping pills??? Am I a bad mum?

Dad works long hours 6 days a week which doesn't help.

I am sure it will blow over and that he is overly tired, but this phase of him being aggressive when he doesn't get his own way is just wearing me out. trouble is I am shattered when I go to work and can't get a conversation out as I am so braindead!!Although I do try.

Tried working more in the day but he was getting upset me leaving him. Can't do right for doing wrong!

I do give him lots of attention and maybe that is the problem. I play with him,take him swimming go to the park, do baking the list is endless. I've said to my husband that I am at witsend with him I could just go to work full time as it would be easier.

We are due to move to York in September and I can't wait to be near my mum who can help.

Having a bad day girls just needed to rant. Any advice on how to get through the terrible twos would be appreciated. I'm trying to do my best by being with my son but right now I could jet off on a plane for a weekend on my own.

On a + side we are off to Colchester tomorrow night so that should be a break.

I've had my hair done this aft and my childminder has him so it is nice to be on the net in peace for 5 mins.

Gosh I'm sorry to rant and sorry this is not nail related. slap my pandy!!

 

[CadenceAlex]

Ahhh you don't need coping pills at all! :hug:

It really is just terrible two's! That phrase was coined for the exact reasons you mentioned!

My friends little girl is exactly the same - she claws and scratches at her mums face if she isn't getting the attention she wants, and it is awful to watch.

I think you'll find many girls/boys go through this and so you're not alone... I am sure with the correct management... naughty step etc.. you will get through this.

My other friends little boy was such a fiend we used to AVOID going there when he was awake!!! :evil: He is now a little over three and he is a totally different little boy. Becky did this by the naughty step and IGNORING the bad behaviour and distancing herself from Josh.. he would then want cuddles and love and when he was allowed off the stair, he would be good as gold.. until the next time!

Don't get upset and doubt yourself, this will all pass in time..

My little girl is just 9 months old so I have got all this to come, but lots of geeks on here have toddlers and are mums.

Keep your chin up :hug:

 

[*Garfield*]

I agree with Candancealex, this behaviour is very normal for his age. When he behaves this was it is best to ignore him, dont get angry, shout, or give him ant attention whatsoever! I used to put mine in a bedroom with the door shut until they calmed down, my son used to try and kick the door in, but I never gave in to him, it was a real battle of the wills, but I won! As for the pushchair problem, my little boy also used to do this to me, half way to school every morning, so one day I asked him buggy or walk, he said walk, and he had to walk all the way their and back, and I wouldnt pick him up. He went in the buggy after that!:green: I know its frustrating, and believe me it dosnt get any easier the more experienced you are, Im on no 4 and there are times I could sit and cry! But, this time does pass, and they usually emerge as much more calm, well adjusted young people!:hug:

 

[tinkywinky]

Thanks all that has really helped. He has been a nightmare today due to being overtired. oh well. another day another ..tantrum!! thanks again it keeps me calm to realise I'm not the only one going through this xx

 

[Vetty]

All the behaviour you are describing is purely to get your attention - and it's working......!! Trouble is by the time you work out what they're doing you're already giving them what they want - trust me I've been there.....!!

When he kicks off when you're on the phone ignore him - make no eye contact, so not speak or react to him in any way. Continue the phone conversation (in another room if you have to) and when he stops screaming make a massive fuss of him. Ignore the bad and praise the good - it's hard but it works.

As far as hitting goes, once he has calmed down talk to him about how it makes you feel - he needs to understand that it hurts you.

You aren't a bad mother - 2 year olds are a real challenge! You do need support though, it's hard doing it all by yourself. Can you leave him with hubby for a few hours this weekend and go out by yourself? It's important to retain your identity as well - you're still you as well as being a Mum.

Health Visitors can often be good to talk to about behaviour issues as well....

Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

 

[bubbabinks]

Mine is just the same and if the phone rings - nightmare!
I have to go in another room with my back to it to stop her coming in screaming at me just so I can hear the other person.
It's an attention thing, naughty step and a rewards chart works for me.

 

[nailsbydesign]

he is just starting to feel a bit more independant and is testing you to see just what he can get away with...try to stay calm...yeah i know easier said than done but dont give in to his demands...ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good. dont try to bribe him either if he is being naughty as often all that acheives is to award the bad behaviour which you definitely dont want...he will eventually get the message that his demands are falling on deaf ears but you MUST stand your ground, if he wins then his demands will get bigger and louder

 

[JoJoPearce]

I have a 2 year old girl and going through exactly the same at the moment. I think what everyone else has said is right - ignore the bad prasie the good.

The other thing you may wish to try if the naughty step isn't working (emily has wised up to the step) is to have a toy bin (I have a large clear box with emilys toy bin on the front) and every time they hit or in my case spit, I take one of her toys, starting with her fave.and put it in the bin for a day. The more she does it the more toys go in. I have found that this works as they are her treasured possessions and she wants them back.

It will get better - Kids can be little devils. They know exactly what buttons to push and at the right time.

 

[gucci906]

I am going through the same thing too. My little girl is 2.5...devil one minute angel the next. When i am on the phone has a screaming tantrum, pulling at my leg...and i cant even go to the toilet in peace. They say she is an angel at nursery and cant believe me. she has no interest in potty training, but hates having her nappy changed and runs away and screams every time. On a bad day it is from first thing in the morning ie refusing to get dressed, and i have to get out early as my son is at school...so cant be late. Nightmare.

Hopefully it gets better...i didnt have this with my son at all. I always joke is my daughter would have been first...i wouldnt have had any more.

We have to be strong...but its hard...a lot of the time i give in and give her treats just to stop the screaming....i know i am making a rod for my own back....Supernanny would not be impressed!!!

 

[VHunter]

Another thing I do, I just put them in their room in bed.
I tell them "if you want to be miserable, do it on your own tmie" close the door and walk away. They do NOT come out until the fits have stopped and been quiet for 2-5min.
BTW, there are no toys in their room, so nothing for them to amuse themselves with during time out.

I find this helps in a few ways:
- They voice their frustration, cause let's face it, kids get frustrated too and get tired of being told what to do all the time, just as we would.
- I get away from the racket which makes me crazier than anything
- they learn that it will not be tolerated and no one wants to be around a miserable child
- by seperating them from me, it avoids an argument that just grows out of proportion and turns into yelling.

I also have a infant/toddler rocker from Fisher Price that has a fabric T-bar seatbelt in it. This is a great time-out tool for kids that refuse flat-out to sit in time out. The rocker also has a special pedal/leg that keeps it from rocking if you want to stop it from doing so.
Just put the seat belt on, and dont let'em up still they stop hollering.
Best to lean it against a wall though, just in case they try tossing themselves backwards :wink2: my eldest learned the hard way, not a smart thing to do :lol:


but as we all know: CONSISTENCY is key. We can NOT give in. We must be consistent at all times with how behaviour in any form is recognized or corrected. Can't let it slide once and expect them to tow the line next time LOL

I find that when I slip...and get lazy as we all do time to time.. cause let's face it.. parenting is EXHAUSTING..... when I get back on track, takes anywhere frmo 2-7days to have successfully corrected the issue.

Mind you... still haven't found the cure for whining LOL
Or, how to make a chatterbox hush up for longer than 10sec so I can think :lol:


hth's

 

[Cathie!]

I believe that children of all ages need boundaries....they will always try and push these boundaries, but if you stick to your guns and the rules you have decided for your life, they will get to know and understand their boundaries. Different people have different values for their kids....you have to decide yours, not your son's, or he'll have you under the thumb !

Yes, they'll always try and push through them....rules are meant to be broken....but when they do try, you have to reassirt them and not give in.

Terrible 2's are hell....good luck!!

 

[nailsbydesign]

not sure about the bedroom and bed as a punishment as the child can sometimes start to see bedtime as a punishment and start to object to going to bed at night

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Kids are gorgeous when they are under a year old then it becomes the terrible 2's followed by the traumatic 3's going on to the feisty 4's and so on!
I can distinctly remember last year when my toddler was 2 yrs old, sitting on the staircase cradling my head and just crying and feeling very depressed. This happened on not just one occasion but many times and I would also phone hubby and tell him to "get home NOW!" as I just didn't feel I was coping.:cry: At 2 they are really trying to assess how far the boundries can be pushed. I don't think we give these little ones enough credit for just how smart they can be at working out to get their own way. It does get better Tinkywinky, I promise,:hug: but you have to be firm and consistent in discipline. My toddler still winds her dad up BIG TIME and he complains to me to sort it out . Not my problem as I've told him where he's going wrong but he gives in to her still. She doesn't do it with me anymore because she knows the consequences. Sounds harsh but it makes life easier in the long run.

 

[VHunter]

not sure about the bedroom and bed as a punishment as the child can sometimes start to see bedtime as a punishment and start to object to going to bed at night

I have heard of this...
But have NEVER had a problem with this what so ever.
it's not so much as punishment as "quiet time" and they know that bedrooms are for quiet time.. no toys in there.

My eldest has even chosen of her own accord to go there on occasion LOL

 

[Jen Smith]

I am going through the same with my 30month old son. He can give quite a whack in the face at times and knocks my glasses and his daddies glasses clean off. When he does I firmly say NO! and if at home I make him sit on the bottom stair for 2 mins. He creeps off and tries to come back to me but I am very firm and make him stay put and don't look at him for the full two mins. When he seems to be calming down I ask him if he is going to be good and his usual response is yes.. and then I ask him to say sorry for what he did and he normally does. I don't mind normally, I can cope with his outbursts but it really annoys me at the supermarket as he is always playing up when trying to get him to sit in the trolly, he refuses to put his legs through the holes and you can guarantee that some kind hearted lady will come along and try and 'talk him into it' ... grrr... I know they mean well but I get so frustrated that I have in the past just said sod it and put him back into the car with him carrying on and drove home without getting groceries.

I can't wait until this period passes... it is so draining isnt it

 

[audrey]

hi when you are on the phone or need time out get a small box and fill it with interesting stuff and pull it out only when you need time to do something they find it so fun they are distracted for a while hope it helps:hug:

 

[twinkletoes910]

I have heard of this...
But have NEVER had a problem with this what so ever.
it's not so much as punishment as "quiet time" and they know that bedrooms are for quiet time.. no toys in there.

My eldest has even chosen of her own accord to go there on occasion LOL

i ditto this! my daughter is...32 months, a little over 2&1/2. and she knows that when she's bad (throwing a tantrum, being mean, yelling screaming whatever she feels like...) that she's going to go lay down for a little while and calm down. it's not so much punishment, just a cool down period. she's allowed out of her room when she's calm. she'll normally come out on her own when she's calmed down and say "i ok mommy, all better" and sometimes she'll fall asleep (which is probably the culprit in the first place!). she tried to burst out of her room, still mad, the first few times but we had a "talk" about it and i'd lead her straight back to her room. repetition is the key with toddlers, they're creatures of habit.

i've never had a problem with her not wanting to go to bed at nite, normally she'll tell me when she's ready for bed, and she's even told me that she needs to go lay down when she's starting to get upset. i think she gets over-stimulated, too excited and too worked up over things and she doesn't know how to deal with all those emotions. but i have faith that she'll grow out of it *knock on wood* and *fingers crossed!*

so remember, this too shall pass!! :hug:

but i'd rather deal with this than with the teen years!!!

 

[twinkletoes910]

hi when you are on the phone or need time out get a small box and fill it with interesting stuff and pull it out only when you need time to do something they find it so fun they are distracted for a while hope it helps:hug:

sry to double post but... i do this for potty time, it keeps her seated for more than 10 seconds!!

 

[tinkywinky]

Thanks everyone this is SOOOOO supportive.

I am sat here smiling and glad to know it is not just me and my child.

We went away this weekend and I was talking about the situation to my friend and she said I should get some anti-depressants as I don't seem to be coping well and it will calm me down. What?!

I just said to her I am not depressed, I am struggling with no friends or family around. She is on anti depressants, this may be her answer to her problems but I am not depressed. I am stressed and that is a big difference. I feel positive and relaxed after a weekend away chilling out, (then getting stuck in traffic on m25!!)

Thanks again peeps it's great to have helpx x