I just want to work!

[sammylou]

Hi Guys, it's been a while since I posted as I have been busy sitting my level three tests and trying to finish up a little early so thatI can get straight on to job hunting before every other beauty student in my area is lining up with me with CV in their hands.

I have one major problem and I just dont seem to be able to get round it....my husband!

I'm not sure what he thought I was going to do after two years of training, but he seems amazed that I want to get a job.....I fell pregnant with my second child at the end of my level 2 training and so decided to wait until she was at nursery before going back to college to do my level three, well next week I will have completed my level three and I was really looking forward to job hunting.

My Eldest son is 5 and at school full time, my daugher is now three and at school from 9 til 11.20, I would like to work full time but obviously whatever job I get the children will have to be placed with a childcare provider/nursery/afterschool club, which my husband has decided is definate no no, but even if I go for part time work I will still have the problem that no salon is going to employ me between the hours of 9.15 and 10.45! He also does not want me to work evenings or Saturdays.

Am I being selfish in wanting to work? I can maybe understand his feelings about me working full time but I feel like a child being told when I can and can't go out and play, of course I want to spend time with my children, but I also want to be the best mum I can be, and I honestly think a happy mummy is the best kind of mummy!

How do you guys deal with childcare, do any of you have the same problems? I'm so sorry, this message seems to have gone on and on, but I don't have anybody I can talk to about this.

Thanks for reading guys

Sam x

 

[handmaiden]

your husband needs a :smack: lol
Ask him WHY you cant work saturdays and listen to his answers. if they are valid points, then take them on board ... if they are stupid reasons , ignore them lol,

could you not work from home??? I do, I work around my daughter, and it works well.
you must do what you feel is right, your children will not turn out badly just cos your not there for a few hours each day lol,
OR is it that your husband doesnt want you to have independance??
just things to think about xx

 

[Jacqui'snewnail]

Working from home is the best idea. A salon would not entertain those hours but also if you need to pay for childcare all your earnings would be zapped up in childcare fees. Basically most new therapists are only paid minimum wage.

If you set up a little home salon you could work in the mornings and evenings. Alternatively what about mobile?

With regards to your husband - Im sorry I best not comment, because he certainly would not like my answer!! lol!!

Good Luck
Jacqui

 

[sarah21]

when i finish my course my children will be 6 and 3 my partner insists that i get childcare ( which was recommened by a friend ) as my mum has said she would take care of them but he dosent like the idea of it i think that providing for your children is a good thing i wouldnt let my partner tell when i can and carnt work he should be happy that at least you want to work i think you should put your foot down or comprimise with a part time job then both of you look into the idea of a nursery or at home childcare you cant waste years of learning or consider a home salon if you have the space

 

[pure]

Wow you have my sympathy. :hug:

I am in a similar position to you in that I have young children (as well as one teen!). My daughter is 5 and my son is 2, he starts playgroup in September, mornings only.

I am setting up as a mobile therapist so that I can work around my children.

My husband has a business which takes up most of his time and because he also employs staff I accept that his work will always have to take priority over of mine, and that the vast majority of the childcare will fall to me.

Fortunately my mum lives nearby and retires in October so has also agreed to have the children one full day a week and I will also offer a couple of evenings a week.

I'm lucky I do have the support of my family,a lthough I think that school holidays are going to be a little tricky!

OK I think I've rambled a little :lol::lol: but have you considered working for yourself as a mobile so that you get to control what hours you work so that your family don't also lose out?

I just keep telling myself that they won't be little for long and then I'll be able to go full time.

 

[sammylou]

Thanks so much for your replies guys, it helps to know I am not being totally selfish about this.

I have forced my point with my husband and explained how I feel it would help me to work and bring some money into the home, we have agreed that I will try working full time and we will see how we go and how the kids adapt, I have found a branch of the nursery my little one already attends at my college in the afternoons just around the corner so we know we trust that company and feel comfortable with them taking care of our spuds.

I have my first interview this Thursday! I am sooooo excited, sounds like a really nice place to work and they are willing to really invest in whatever therapist gets the position. There are lots of other students going for it I'm sure, but I'll give it my best and hopefully if this one doesn't work out there will be another one just around the corner that does.

Take care guys, feel so much better now!

Sam x

 

[sarah21]

im happy you worked it out let us all know how the interview goes good luck

 

[gillian w]

Im probably going to get loads of negative rep but why is bringing up a child not a job.I wouldnt have a dog and then put it in kennels everyday.Why hand over a child for someone else to bring up.
Time with a child whizzes past they are grown before you know it, and i certainly do think a husband has the right to say whether he wants his child in daycare or not.

 

[breeksy]

I think the first part of your own sig sums up the answer to that response Gillian - "Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes "

I know that I am a better mother when I am working than I am when I am at home full time. I wouldn't like to second guess sam's reasons as to wanting to work, but I think there is a place for both SAHM and working mums, and I would be last in line to criticise anyones individual choices for their own family.

 

[Bagpuss]

Im probably going to get loads of negative rep but why is bringing up a child not a job.I wouldnt have a dog and then put it in kennels everyday.Why hand over a child for someone else to bring up.
Time with a child whizzes past they are grown before you know it, and i certainly do think a husband has the right to say whether he wants his child in daycare or not.

no neg rep from me...its just your opinion...:hug:

I do think it depends so much on your circumstances...some families need 2 incomes, some can manage fine on 1...but don't want to manage. I think as much as the dads might like the mums to stay at home, the mums have a right to a career too.

Maybe some of these dads could do with spending a while at home with the kids and the housework and the shopping and all the other chores that come with it...24/7, then say how the mums should stay at home.

Its a tough one cos yes both parents need to agree....but there should always be compromise. It also helps to discuss these things prior to having kids...(not always possible i know).

I for one would never be told i could not work !!!....if he doesn't want the kids in childcare then he can look after them.

I am not for kids in childcare all day everyday....(i couldn't do it)....but i don't think a few hours or the odd day hurts....it gets them ready for school...and they have lots of interaction with other kids.

 

[gillian w]

I think the first part of your own sig sums up the answer to that response Gillian - "Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes "

I know that I am a better mother when I am working than I am when I am at home full time. I wouldn't like to second guess sam's reasons as to wanting to work, but I think there is a place for both SAHM and working mums, and I would be last in line to criticise anyones individual choices for their own family.

So i can comment as long as im saying what someone wants to hear.I gave my opinion to someones question.
I do not think women can have it all. If anyone has children then their needs should come first and they should not be put into what i consider institutions.
The choice is dont have them in the first place if you want a career for fullfillment .I certainly do not say the same for women that HAVE to work.
Some people view children as such a burden and interuption on their lives (and i am not attacking individuals with that comment) they have them and cant wait for them to grow up and be gone.

 

[MINKUS]

I think your hubby is being unreasonable.

Yes the reality of it is your wages would probably be swallowed up in childcare but not if you worked evenings and weekends when most peep want appointments anyway !!

I think you need a chat with him about it to try and come to a happy medium.

I have no problem what so ever with children being in childcare i think its fantastic for them.....as i also have no problem with being a stay at home mum....it's just not for me personally !

 

[oey]

I think both your husband and yourself have valid points.

I understand that he doesnt want just anybody bringing up your children but I also see that ou need to work for your own sanity!

Does your husband see your point of view? It is also easy for him to state his case, but he isnt at home all day with just the children for company.

I think a good chat and a comprimise is needed here.

 

[breeksy]

Gillian, you are fully entitled to your opinion - just as I am entitled to mine. I just found your sig ironic in the context of your post.

And I guess you are right that childcare providers are institutions, in a similar way to schools and colleges (although less formal).

 

[gillian w]

Gillian, you are fully entitled to your opinion - just as I am entitled to mine. I just found your sig ironic in the context of your post.

And I guess you are right that childcare providers are institutions, in a similar way to schools and colleges (although less formal).

Yes but schools don't take babies from 7.30 in the morning till 7 at night.
Im sorry but no matter what anyone says to me i think its wrong putting an under school age child in nursery full time unless you really have to and you can neg rep me all you like.
I work around my children thats why im mobile and thats why our lifestyle is only built on what my husbands wages bring in.Im not a perfect mother i didn't sit and play bricks and bake all the time but my life went on hold or to be honest is on hold now.Even though my kids are older i still have to take them to clubs,make sure they do their homework etc.
Its less about love than duty to be honest and selflessness.
At least if they turn out to be little s***s ive only got myself and my husband to blame.